Retired TF2
by WillWrite4Music
Summary: The RED Team is aging and is rather tired of fighting. Here is how their lives will be in civilization.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I Love TF2, I played a mean Sniper. So I made a fic about it. Also I will be trying to match the classes accent. Enjoy. Also I do not own TF2 or any of its characters. This goes for the rest of the story.**

**TF2 Retired**

The Engineer had quite enough of this. All this fighting and dying. He was also quite old for this. His reflexes are not as fast as they used to be and he did not have the same amount of energy and charisma when he was 15 years younger. It was about time they retired or find different jobs for the others case. So he quit, told the administrator that he is retiring. She said that you had to have the whole team retire or none due to balancing issues. When he brought this up to the team, most of them agreed and some "disagreed".

"RETIRE? WHAT KIND OF HIPPIES ARE YOU!"

"Soldier, we need to quit, this fighting is getting old and so am I," Engineer told him.

"NO IT IS UN-AMERICAN TO QUIT EVEN IF OLD AGE IS AN ENEMY I WILL CRUSH IT"

"Yo it be betta if we just drug him an get if ova with" Scout said.

(Loud voices and lots of chairs broken)

Right. Disagree is an understatement. More like, you quit and I'll kill you. Anyway, they had to literally not out the soldier, forge his signature on paper and, Voila. They were free.

The Spy however was suspicious. He did not expect quitting was even an option. He thought that the Admin would stop them or kill them. Maybe he was just paranoid. You can't be not paranoid and live long in Tuefort. The Spy thought to himself," It's just paranoia. You can fight it." So they all left, went on a train they got here by and just left. And now they live in civilization... or isolation. These are their lives.

**The Sniper (Aka David Mundy)**

Back to farmin I guess, eva since Engie decided the time to quit, I needed a job. Like hell io was gonna work for some corporation or fast food joint. So I decided to live with my folks.

"Finally you came to your senses and gave up being a crazed gunman"

"I was not a cra- Neva mind Dad. Anyway I'll be wokin on the crops and livin with ya."

Waking up was not a problem due to the time in Tuefort. Still the sense of a bloody spook did not leave me. I am seein things, like the air shivering, decloaking, and the crackling of the Deadringer. Of course I can't do nothin bout it since all my weapons are stored in the van. My kukri, rifle, and jarate(My pa an I had a very interesting conversation about that). Even though I missed killin those BLU's, I missed peace and quiet even more. Each day is easy, as all I had to do was plant seeds, plow the field, and pick the crops. Nothing compared to bein a marksman. Though I wonder how the rest are doing.

**Administrator**

While I let those morons go, they will not live. Killing them will not be as easy but won't be as hard either. That spy will have to go first. He is the biggest threat.

"Miss Pauling please come here, I need you to find some mercs to kill off the Red team. They are a liability, if the government catches even a word this happened we will all go to jail. Fail me and jail will be the least of your worries."

"Yes Ma'am."

**A/N: Please leave a review or criticism. I Don't know when I will update again. Maybe 3 days to a week. Everyone who reviews can hug the Heavy. He is so huggable :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: The second chapter. You guys get this one earlier since so many people read my fic. Special thanks to **_**I hez no nem**_** and **_**Panzer General **_**for reviewing first. They get special hugs from Heavy. Also team RED are aged from 33 to 50. You can decide which Class is aged which. Enjoy :)**

Ch. 2

**The Pyro(Aka Mphhhh Mph)**

** "**Ok Mister... I'm sorry I didn't catch your name."

"Mphhhhh Mphh Mphh" The Pyro tried to say.

The Pyro then wrote on the notepad given by his teammates. "My name is-" The firefighter read as an emergency bell rang.

"We have no time, lets just get a move on, your name can wait."

So Pyro and his new friend gears up or rather the firefighter gears as the Pyro never takes off his suit. They hop on a truck and sped away to the fire. While they were waiting they conversed on why he would not take off his suit.

"Do you always wear your suit?"

"Mmph," nodding his head.

"Why?"

"Mmph Mmmph um mph," The Pyro then draws several bunnies and cats. Mostly bunnies.

"Um I don't quite understand... oh never mind, but you never did tell me your name."

He shows the man a sentence.

"My name is-..."

A car behind the truck honked the horn to tell it to move.

"Well hello-BEEEEEEP-my name is Francis." (Who loves the censorship of Pyro's name? :).)

"Ok we are here now lets put out that fire,"

Pyro rushes into the building flamethrower ready.

"NO WAIT, WE HAVE TO PUT THE FIRE OUT FIRST!"

He ignores Francis warning, axing every bit of wood. He finds survivors in closets. Grabbing the kids and running with the parents they make it out alive. One of the children shouts, "NO we have to get the bunny!"

Pyro being a softie for cute animals, gasps and runs inside the burning home. Puffing out air at every fire extinguishing them while trying to find the bunny. Finding her in a cage sleeping the Pyro gets the cage and runs like hell. Seeing the outside the kids are filled with glee as they get their pet back.

"Snuggles is safe now," said the children as they both smiled.

**Back at the fire department**

"Well it's safe to say that you have a bright future putting out fires," Francis told Pyro.

The Pyro chuckled thinking the irony of his job. He was the one that burns buildings down to nothingness not saving the building. But he met a bunny on this job so he decided to stay and work. Still thinking Francis taps him on the shoulder, awakening his paranoia. Quick with his flamethrower, he turns and kicks Francis, preparing to burn him as a BLU spy. Acknowledging that he was no longer in Tuefort, he turns to Francis and on his notepad wrote "Sorry, Old job experiences"

"Ok then, apology accepted. I was going to ask you if you were going home."

Pyro responded with, "I don't have a place to live,"

"You can bunk with me, I have an apartment that's big enough for the two of us. I will even drive you there."

Pyro said that he can walk there. He wanted to get some fresh air.

"Ok then, see you there then,"

Pyro was walking down the street, armed with only an axe, since his flamethrower was at the station. Seeing a couple of shady people, Pyro wanders into a deep thought about kittens and bunnies. A man walks up behind him and points a gun to his back.

"Give me all your money and no one will get hurt."

Feeling the gun pressed against his back, he has a revisit to Tuefort, with those pesky spies. Reflexes take over and he spins, knocking the gun out of the robber's hand while grabbing his axe, he swings and kills the robber with one clean swing.

Satisfied, he leaves to go to Francis apartment.

**Miss Pauling**

I made a call to a certain someone about the elimination of the RED team. His name was Saxton Hale. All I got was his voicemail, "Whoever is calling me, I don't have time as I am killing hippies and endangered animals."

Next I tried to call the BLU team to see if they will do the deed. They replied that the REDS are no longer their enemy therefore, they will not kill civilians. Right now that leaves only one person for the job, The Administrator's own personal army, The Purple team.

Now all I have to do is contact my boss and tell her about this.

"Yes Miss Pauling?"

"Ma'am, I am unable to contact Hale and the BLU's won't do it either, so I was thinking of...of-"

"Pauling get to the point," She snapped.

"Of your own personal army?"

"Approved, this is the exact thinking I need from my employees. Use every resource you have, the team will be ready as soon as the day ends," The Administrator smiled.

**A/N: Yeah this one was a goofy one as I imagine Pyro as the comical and weird one. I still love him/her. So everyone who reviewed gets a hug from heavy :3 Now whoever reviews gets his sanviches, but please don't tell him. Criticism is welcome. The next update will either be 2 days minimum to a week max. This is a maybe so yeah. I hoped you ENJOYED :3**


	3. Chapter 3

**Ch.3**

**Scout**

"Eva since I quit that TF Job, I been hell bent on findin a new job. I tried for a nice, comfortable, easy job. Couldn't though. Everything reminds me of god damn Tuefort.

**Interviewer**

**"What kind of jobs did you find and how did they remind you of Tuefort?"**

**"**When I worked as a Gym teacher, I would check my back for spies. Every corner I listened for sentries. There was this one incident where I grabbed a student's binder mistakening it for the intel. I eventually got fired from that job.

**"Did you find any other jobs besides teaching?"**

"Yeah one golden opportunity to play with the Boston Red Socks. That all ended with me taking the bat with me every time a get a hit and bashing the players that try to stop me. I was arrested for that, did some time (more like 2 weeks) and found myself working a delivery boy for some restaurant."

**"How much do you make now?"**

I make about 150 to 200+ dollars depending on the tip. It's an OK job, I guess. I do what I do best, Run. I don't have to worry about spies, since I'm runnin. Though the beep of sentries eventually make it to my mind. One time there was these kids that ordered food at the place I was workin, they were playin a game X-Box or somthin like that. So many beeps, I was refusin to go near the house for hours. Almost lost my job from that.

**"Ok that concludes the interview Mr... I am sorry, I forgot to ask you your name.**

"Just call me Bill."

**"Ok Bill, that concludes the interview. Now all we need is a picture. Please wait here while I get my camera.**

"Hey what's this interview bout anyway? I thought they cut us off? Umm, what are you doing? Where's the camera?

**"Right behind you."**

**?**

While he was talking, I put up a decoy in front with a gun. I cloak and decloak behind him. Pulling my knife out I prepare to stab.

**A/N: YAY my first cliffhanger :3. Yeah sorry for the short SHORT chapter. Had to make it short since School is near. So for the next 2-3 chapters will be longer. After that my social life and school will be kicking my ass, resulting in shorter chapters. Maybe a long chapter in between breaks. So I hoped you ENJOYED.**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hello and first off I want to thank all the people that read my story and all those that reviewed. Special thanks to GalacticEmpireDragon for giving me a few pointers. Sorry for this late Update, as the Heavy caught on and broke my ribs. No in all seriousness, school started to kick my ass from Day 1. It has no mercy. And laziness may have been a factor too :3 Anyway I hope you ENJOY.**

**TF2 Retired Ch.4**

**Demoman**

"Lad, you need an ID for that,"

"Here, I'm sure this will suffice,"

"Lad, this is fake,"

"How would you know, LAD?"

"I've seen better fakes than this one," rips ID," It is not even holographic,"

"HEY, I have paid a lot for that you know!"

"Well than you just got ripped off, now get the hell out of my bar!"

The teen pulls out a gun and shouts, "Give me a damn drink NOW!"

The Demoman, A.K.A Edmund McCoy, laughed in the teens face.

"HAHAHAHA, lad you're gonna have ta do better than that. Besides its not even loaded."

"Just try me."

"Okie dokie then," Edmund punches the kid in the face. The kid cocks the hammer and tries to shoot the demo. He fires 4 bullets before the demo is hit in the shoulder.

"AGGGGH, I'm hit, I'm gonna die! Just kiddin lads, I've had worse before."

The demo then pushes a button. After that the kid knocked out. One of the drunken people asked what the button was for. Edmund replies that it's just to prepare for tomorrow.

**Later that night**

The kid wakes up and appears to be frightened.

"Stop actin lad, I know fear when I see it. Now who sent yer?"

"W- What do you mean?"

"Again stop actin, was it the Announcer?"

"Seriously, I just wanted a damn drink. You see my pa died and I've been kicked out of school for-"

"Alrighty then, if you want to play dumb then lets hope that I don't forget to disarm the bomb that's in this buildin."

"Your bluffing!"

Edmund whispers into his ear, "Try me,"

"Alright Alright. Some dude in a lab coat sent me here with the ID and gun. He said he wanted you dead! He paid me thousands of dollars if I did this. Now please let me go!"

"Hmm, ok you are tellin the truth. But I'm leavin ya here for ta night,"

"What about the bomb?" He asked obviously scared of death.

"It was a bluff lad, now goodbye."

Edmund then proceeds to walk out of the warehouse. As he walks to his bar, which he does sleep in, he takes out a remote with one button and presses it.

BOOM!

The warehouse explodes.

"Like right I'm gonna have you live lad. This bullets gonna be painful to take out. Ugh and I have to walk too. If only I could stickyjump... No too many witnesses. And me back ain't what is used to be. The doc (not the medic) was right. I am legally blind." The demoman thought on of who was trying to kill him. He thought it could be the Administrator lady or a person who angry for losin their money to him in a drinkin contenst. His liver shudders in thought of that. He might have to be careful or that livers gone. MIGHT have to. Heh heh. Walking back to his apartment, he notices something glowing. He can't make sure what it is. Edmund takes a step and BOOOM! The building explodes into millions of pieces.

**PurpleDemo**

"I don't see any survivors. I think he's dead. I am headin back."

Just then the Purple demo's arm was sliced off.

"AUGGGG"

"Lad, you got to impatient and now yer gonna pay fer it."

Edmund than charges towards the purple demoman with his eyelander shouting, "THERE CAN ONLY BE ONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ," Slicing his head off, the demo than thinks about the situation. His home was destroyed. He had no money, considering that all of it was it the bar.

"Well," he thought, "The warehouse is sti- motherfu**r". It's times like these were parks are actually useful."

Trying to move, he finds that a piece of shrapnel has embedded in his leg. A bullet in the shoulder, shrapnel in the leg, and a back that just gave out, Edmund limps towards the building next to the bar he once owned.

Randomly out of nowhere, a man with a lab coat and glasses, similar to their medic back at Tuefort. The man takes out his bone saw and walks towards him.

"This is the end of the road fer me lads," he thinks sadly. No more respawns just one life left.

Again out of nowhere a random war cries out into the night.

"MAGGOTS"

The enemy is killed with a quick bash to the head with a shovel.

The Soldier appears.

**A/N: Yeah so that is the chapter. The next update will be around 3 to 5 days. 10 days max. Longer chapter next time hopefully 1000k+ works. That is my goal. Criticism is helpful and any mistakes please point out. So until next time I hope you ENJOY.**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU ALL FOR READING MY STORY. Either I am really stupid but over 1000+ people read my story. Thank you all for this. Anyway updates will either be longer in length or shorter for more updates. Special thanks to GalacticEmpireDragon for advice. Go check out his stories! Good news, I have almost tamed the beast that is school. Oh just a heads up about a month from now, there is an event called Comic-Con. My friends and I are going. So look out for Riku and Roxas. Anyway sorry for rambling. Please ENJOY.**

**Soldier (John Doe)**

The night was warmer than warm. Maybe it's because of all the blood and guts. I wacked that German Nazi as it was about to kill my meal ticket. I mean my friend yeah that's right. I hold out a hand to help this lucky bastard up. He accepted and when he got up he fell asleep. Damn it now I need to carry this bastard back to the cave. Some call it a bridge but truthfully it is a cave. ONLY WOMAN CALLS IT A BRIDGE. (No offense to all women out there, I just imagine Solly like this. Please don't hurt me...) WE ARE MEN. WE DO NOT NEED A ROOF OVER OUR HEADS. WE DO NOT NEED PLANTS TO EAT. WE EAT MEAT AND LIVE IN THE WILD. ALSO WE KILL NAZIS FOR OUR FRIENDS SO THEY OWE US A FAVOR FOR ALL THE THINGS WE DO NOT NEED.

"What's all that shoutin?"

"BUDDY YOUR AWAKE!"

"I am but that doesn't mean ya have ta make me deaf lad, where are we any way?"

"WE ARE IN MY HO-"

"Stop with the shoutin already. Yer takin me back to Tuefort."

"Sorry, we are in my home, my fortress, my-"

"Looks like the bottom of a bridge."

"THIS IS NOT A BRIDGE FOR THE LAST TIME. IT IS MY HOME!"

"Alright alright, it's yer home. Sorry fer insultin ya. I should thank you really. You saved my ass. "

Soldier had a look on his face like he just dominated many, MANY, filthy Blus. He stood straight and puffed his chest out. Edmund scooted back so he can lay down on the leaves that were never raked away. He closed his eyes and slept.

John watched his friend sleep. He turned his head away to scout for intruders. Solly never did get his mind out of Tuefort. Only his physical body got out as he was forced to leave. He never did remember how he got out. All that he remembered was that he was drugged by the aliens and was left to die in the city. But he fought on by killing animals (visiting charity for the homeless) surviving the harsh winter (ITS FREAKIN SUMMER) and defended his "home" from robbers (he did no- wait he actually did that. Just replace robbers with other hobos). Yep he survived Mother Nature and bested the odds (I had a bet with a hobo that he would die. I lost my coat). Now all he had to do was convince his friend for a place to stay. Fiddling with his hands, he looks back at his sleeping friend. It has been a year since they got out of Tuefort. Many things had changed. Old Solly had no family as they have disappeared over the years. Many jobs he had applied for had not met his standards. Maybe he shouldn't have broken Derek Jeter's arm. He thought he was stealing from the store. Good ol' Solly had no idea that he was famous. After all he was not interested in sports, just war and bacon. Mmmmmm good ol' bacon.

The night moves on as John had moved on from bacon to what to do after. Thinking about things that would help him. He would ask Edmund, but he still is knocked out like almost every day and night at Tuefort. All of these thoughts stopped as he heard rustling. Grabbing his trusty shovel, he lay in the dark waiting for his prey/enemy. The Soldier had actually gotten smarter over the years. Tactics of waiting and stealing things from the "Non-Americans" had improved most of his tactics. Of course all of this was balanced with the fact that he is very old. Most of his movement consists of bones breaking and many leg injuries. Still, Solly had his fighting spirit and almost nothing can stop it. Except bacon. After a little while, he heard a battle cry and rocket jumping. Peering out, he sees another Soldier dressed in purple. The man looked a lot like the Soldier in the past. Solly heard something but could not understand it.

"What? Speak up son."

"I SAID, GET OUT HERE AND FIGHT LIKE A MAN!"

"WHAT? STILL CAN'T HERE YOU. IF YOU'RE SCREAMING THAN YOU ARE AS LOUD AS A FROG!"

Frustrated the Purple Soldier ran towards John. While the enemy was screaming out a battle cry, John had unpinned a grenade that he used to keep. John took a step forward and crammed this grenade into the other mans mouth. Kicking the man back, this explosion put a crit sticky to shame.

Upon hearing this noise, Edmund woke up in his usual fashion.

"Huh? Wha? Did we win?"

Hearing this Solly nodded and did his taunt with the shovel. BANG BANG BANG. Unfortunately Solly was very weak and had fallen unconscious to his shovel. Edmund decided that everything was normal now. Dragging the former soldier and friend under the bridge, it was his turn to watch for enemies.

**?**

**Quickly moving, I see the target. Setting up, I remember what the announcer had said to all of us. Kill your designated target and bring back their blood for kill conformation. Be extremely cautious as these former mercs a very dangerous. Fail this mission, if you manage to escape from them then you will have other things to worry about. Looking for the target once more, I see him. I pull the trigger.**

**A/N:FINALLY 1000K+ WORDS. I AM VERY HAPPY. EXPECT MORE SOON. Also I will update at weird times. Reviews and criticism is appreciated. So until next time, ENJOY.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Ch 6**

Anthony had lived in that old creepy house no one wanted to visit and was considered to be a haunted house. He bought it because it was cheap and no one dared to visit him. He preferred this isolation. This house was perfect for his security needs. The boards had squeaked when someone stepped on them. He knows when there was someone there. He lived a peaceful life, with himself intact, both body and mind. Without the fear of being killed by flames, bullets, and rockets, Anthony had a very peaceful life. But he knew this was about to end. He knew he will be hunted down and killed. He was not afraid of being hunted. It was always the other way around and it will stay the same. All of the luxury he had before he had bought this would be gone. He smiles as he remembers the cruises and the 5 star hotels. He had met a person named Irene. They had many dates, but as it turns out she was a con woman. They were the perfect match. Unfortunately she had tried to con him as if he were another target. He had conned her and let her live out of sheer love. He remembered her touch and face. He did indeed love her. Like opposites attract so do people who have the same personality. Many vehicles pass stop at his house. Anthony moves into position.

"Men, we have him now. Inside this building is a former mercenary named Anthony and some French word. Why are we taking out one of our own? Because we are mercenaries! Search and Destroy, that is our mission. Shoot on sight at this person here" he shows a picture of a very handsome man "and we got ourselves our retirement plan." The commander continued his speech.

Unknown to him, a certain someone has been creeping along their ranks. Just waiting for the moment to strike. As the Commander had finished his speech, they charged into the Maison du caché or House of the hidden. Creeping closer, so close to death, each and every step closer to the lord. They kicked down his door and ransacked his home. Searching and looking with those smirks on their faces. This hidden person they are looking for, who is it they ask? The response is just another average merc, nothing dangerous. He watches them, bidding his time, waiting just like his old job. A scream rings throughout house. Smirking, he lights his cigarette, after putting his mask back on, for the last time he is the Spy.

They run to his aid trying to help with no avail. He is as good as dead. Poor things, they don't know that they are his targets, not the other way around. They can't touch him or see him, so how can they kill him? Vanishing into thin smoke and masking himself for his enemies, he was going to have fun with them.

Normally these groups of mercs were cocky, fearless, acted like they could do anything they wanted. Now they fear him, fear the dark. Feeling as each second was their last. They assured themselves, "This is just one person, one measly person. What harm could he do?" Each time they get cocky, one of them disappears, then reappears with a bullet to the head or a knife to the back. The commander was the only one to be himself, cocky and brash. He yells at his teams of mercs to man up or get out.

The Spy smiles at these "so called mercenaries". He never lost his touch, and as they say, "once a spy, always a spy." He knew when they would be here. He had caught wind of their operations when they had asked the locals for him. "Idiots" he would say. He would give no mercy to them. A creak of a board snaps him back into reality. One last unfortunately mercenary from his group had gone to Spy's location. Spy moves into place, reappearing in his face. He stumbles and falls back shooting wildly, each bullet missing. When he runs out of bullets, he switches to the combat knife. This merc stands and tries to stab the Spy. During this motion, Spy had kicked his knee cap where it was snapped out of place. Dropping onto his other knee, he shouts in pain. He earns a slash to the throat, silencing him forever. Everyone moves to the scream. Some are scared shitless, while others are angry. They were one of the best and they're being bested by one man! The commander was absolutely furious as he could not do anything about this. Reaching the place, they find a noise. It was a ticking of some kind. When they found the source it was too late. The commander crawls towards his truck. He tries to climb onto the seat when he heard a gun click. He looks up and sees the Spy.

"You must be Anthony. Well if you're trying to live after this, I'm afraid you're mistaken." the commander had said. With his dying breath he aims and shoots the tank of gas. Flames burst everywhere as he watched the spy burn. Commander hears crackling and then hears a voice.

"First things first, I am no longer Anthony. I am ze Spy and that's all you will know about me. And also, Go to Hell and take that cheap uniform with you,"

**A/N: This chapter was a hard one to write. There were many copies of this chapter and this was the winner. I love Spy's personality and his way of speaking and because of that I have to write this to utter somewhat perfection and with emotion and that takes a long time. Anyway sorry for the late update, I have no excuses except laziness and severe headaches. Constructive Criticism and reviews are very helpful to me and are appreciated. Updates will be slow depending on how much I got going in my life. So until next time, I hope you ENJOY.**

**Edit 10/10/12: Not updating for at least 2 weeks. Sorry. Other short stories to read while I am gone, just click on my profile.**


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